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Hello girls,

          Today, today i hid behind my mask of happiness and "everything is ok!" * Smiles until cheeks hurt* Because i did go back to college today. When the therapist came round the morning i was dreading the day ahead, i was all ready to just pack it in and go back to bed. It was freezing and raining outside..which always makes everything worse! But the therapist came, we talked for ages about how i feel i have lost control over everything again. Apparently, i'm meant to go back to the hospital Thursday to see the psychiatrist again, for an update. As from now on it's out of my doctors hands, it's up to him now what happens.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW!!

So anyway...We talked again my weight was mentioned..=/ WTF is up with that..i never even brought it up in conversation. And in the end i convinced myself i was going to go, because i knew if i didn't i would of felt like i had failed and most probably binged all day..and probably cut the way i'm feeling atm. So at least i saved myself that grief. 

              My god though...my anxiety speared up like a volcano on the bus ride to college. The voies in my head were screaming at me to fucking get off the bus and jump in traffic, kill your fucking self, the need to pig out on a pack of crisps i brought to keep me going was huge. But i ignored it all :) I stuck my head phones in and ignored it. I was proud tbh. 

When i did get to college, after what seemed forever, i was greeted well :) Which was a surprise! And you know i do massage at college?...Well obviously that involves stripping down to underwear...so they did see my arm =/..although i covered it with a huge plaster...but of course the questions were thrown at me left right and center...i just said id accidentally cut my arm, and we had no usual sized plasters at home, so had to use a huge one..=/ ARGHHH!.  Dunno how long that excuse is gong to last for! 

And i tell you what, the massage today was lush!!!! Felt so good i swear! Got rid of my achy shoulder at least.

So food intake so far today :

Little breakfast to get metabolism going

Pack of crisps

Mini chocolate bar.  Not bad?

P.S: Thankyou for worrying about me, but my friend really does me the world of good :) She makes me feel so happy! So don't worry x

P.P.S: If i am not following you, send me your blog links 

Astra x