OK, first thing is first, this stupid thing is telling me i'm not following any blogs now? So comment below please so i can re-follow if needs be.
How many times have i started off a post with "I'm scared"?....Well, it's happening again, because well, i'm scared.
My anxiety is out of control. Paranoia is dancing along to the tune too. Pills make me sick. So i'm alone.
New therapy starts next month, but will it really help, or just be another waste of my time?
I feel a mess. Acne is running wild all over, which doesn't help the self esteem. I just feel.....unworthy? Not good enough for anyone. Incredibly self concious, silently screaming. No one on this earth knows how bad i feel right now, because i choose to hide it, best i can. B knows bits...but id rather not delve into details of how i'm a paranoid freak. I've already told him in the past, but rather not remind him.
I self harmed, superficially, he saw...he said nothing, just gave that vacant stare at the cuts, as to say.....why?
I said nothing of course, and started babbling on about something to steer the conversation, if there was going to be one, about why on earth am i doing this again?
I need to be perfect for him. Unconditionally perfect.
I wont allow my troubled, diseased mind to ruin this.
I want to...need to be everything he desires.
I need to be everything i desire.
I can't go on like this...my mind is creating negativity where there is none. I know that...but i still can't help but believe it. That there's something wrong that i'm simply not seeing.
I mean, why, oh why, would anyone want me?
