I Swear Each Day Gets Worse.

Hugs for all of you beautiful people :')

         You know something i've noticed? My posts are getting more depressing by the day. And today's isn't any better. Not sure where to start really.

            Well today..again i was meant to go to the BF's. Except...i really didn't want to go in the end..i'm so tight for money at the moment it's hard to do anything, and it costs £10 to get to his and back...not sure what that is in dollars...but it's quite a lot!! Point is..i couldn't afford it.

So i rang him up saying this. He kept going on and on and on about how i should just borrow money from my mum or grandparents to get to his. I said no, thats out of order. ( Bearing in mind we haven't seen eachother in 3 weeks now for the reasons i said in previous posts..)

       Then suddenly the whole conversation escalates into a full blown argument. So i say..well if we can't see eachother this weekend, i'll see you this Wednesday, as he is in town that day signing up for a hostel ( I know..yuck!) He replies with NO!..but wont give me a reason why. So we both give up and say we will talk later.

     5 minutes later he sends me a text saying,

" Is there any point in being together anymore?"

     I was stunned. After all i've been threw these few weeks plus more, he throws that at me. After more than 2 years of going out! So i decided not reply..so another 5 minutes later he rings me going " Well? What you think?" And basically keeps saying we shouldn't be together anymore because i'm always stroppy" with him and never want to be touched ETC. Even though he knows why i don't like being touched and such. I'm just thinking at the other end of the phone, WTF?? I can't handle this.

And long story short ( As this drags on for a while) He gives me the ultimatum to go up to his to sort things out..so i say yes...then feel ill because of all this, so ring him back up saying i can't make it...so we both leave it saying well i'll see you in 2 weeks then? =/

AND admitted he hasn't wanted this relationship for months because of the way i've been...=/

I feel like total shit.

I just want to feel pain and hunger...

Food intake has been OK...

-Teeny little breakfast

-Small chicken roll

-( And then ruined it all by being fed 2 chip stuffed rolls) =/ 

The only good thing i did today was get a new coat ( Which i must admit is pretty lush) :) 

I felt so good buying it because at that moment in time i was actually really hungry and felt all light inside :)

THINK THIN LADIES!!!

Astra x