Well, i said i would tell you, so here goes...
A nurse and a psychiatrist came round today for about an hour, to analyze me. Asked fuck loadsa questions They explained that they had been sent from re-think as my mental health was too complex for them..as they only deal with normal run of the mill depression. They even offered for a doctor to come round everyday while my mum goes to work incase i get suicidal..which i do. But i declined. I don't want to be alone in my house with a complete stranger! Freaky?
And then they finally got to the point, that after their analysis, they were very concerned with my state of mind, and WEIGHT. ( Why is everyone so concerned about my weight all of a sudden?) and they want me to see another psychiatrist down at this mental health place...for crazy people. So i have to go there Monday >__> Oh the joy!!! They asked how much i eat..so i said well...enough. And of course i'm not going to eat! I feel disgusting and terrible, more then anyone can understand right now. I don't honestly know whats keeping me here anymore...after the "thing" happened last Monday night my head been more fucked then ever before in my entire life. I DON'T WANT TO EAT. Ok???????? My moods are everywhere ...voices in my head are stronger and i'm seeing things. I can't sleep, i need to cut. i'm GOING MAD.
someone fucking help me????
On the food front however...Only ate, teeny bowl of cereal, pack of crisps and a little dinner...which i didn't really eat much of. :)
Still: 92-3lbs
Much love, Astra x
P.S : Thankyou for the lovely comments below, you made me smile x
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Following you now! Thanks for the comment!! :D
ReplyDeleteSounds like a rough day. Deep breaths!! I won't tell you not to cut because that would be hypocritical, so just be careful. <3
You might be going mad, but all the best people are. :) I know I am. Not even kidding--I can't get help for it because my health insurance says it's a pre-existing condition.
Hope you have a pleasant night, sweetie!
xoxoxo
If they're concerned about your weight it's because they're concerned about YOU. Likewise the suggestion of having someone come round to see you.
ReplyDeleteI guess you probably feel that they're just getting at you but please remember they've got your best interests at heart and they are trying to help you.
Please believe that you're not disgusting and terrible. You're beautiful and wonderful.
Be strong xxx