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Hello beautiful girls :)

So today was the day i went to see the so called SHIT! psychiatrist. Why do i say shit? Because he didn't understand a word i said!!! He was foreign. Do i need to say more? I couldn't understand him and vise versa, so he basically wrote down what ever he thought i said! After correcting him time after time..i gave up and let him write whatever the hell he wanted. I literally told him practically everything ( aart from the eating part and my hatred for food atm, I DO NOT WANT HELP WITH THIS! It's MY choice.) ...But anyway...after telling him everything else, he came to the conclusion that i should carry on with the pills i'm on and have specialists come round the house daily to talk with me..like a form of counseling and to check up on me..weight ETC...but in my own home. WTF? I do not like strangers in my home. I felt personally it was a complete waste of time. He said the pills wouldn't take the voices and seeings things ETC away...so i need to talk to a counselor? How the hell is talking going to make everything go away? IT'S NOT! I've been there before, years ago, it didn't work. So the plan is, the next "doctor" to come round here to check on me, i'm going to tell what i think, i've been here before, i'm not doing it again because it didn't work. Solace anyone? 

         And now on top of this..on Friday i have to see my doctor to get weighed....and apparently if i don't put weight on " things are going to get serious" because i'm too underweight? I'm really not. I'm fine, i like my collarbones and hip bones. Is it so wrong to want to feel as light as the air?

I need some advice..what do i do? Do i binge eat until Friday just to put a temporary amount of weight on so i look "healthy" or do i not?? Help! 

       Omg i feel completely drained... I actually feel soooo tired 24/7 Stupid sleeping pattern. Every night i go to sleep around 1.30am...then wake up about 4.10am every bloody night...it's so tiring.

If this post makes no sense it's because i just went downstairs for about 2 hours and now attempting to re-write this post! No idea where i'm at XD. I think i'll leave it at that..i cannot concentrate at all.

Food intake: Small bowl of sugar puffs ( To keep me going, been feeling very faint recently), Teeny bit of meat and veg for dinner, and a few cashew nuts. Not bad?

P.S: Girls, if i'm not following you, just send me your blog links and i'll get onto that right away! :) 

P.P.S: Thankyou  for all your lovely comments <3 

Astra x