Oh my darlings,
I feel so so stressed, my anxiety is at it's worst....
As you know, i saw B today.
We didn't go to the cinema in the end, we went to his house and watched movies. And i bought a new calender, a wolf one, as they are my favourite animal :)
As i've said in previous posts B has feelings for me...so whilst txting S....we were cuddling....B knows the situation, and how i don't think i want a relationship with him...but it didn't stop him from cuddling me..and then telling me he thinks he loves me.........which ended up, us kissing...........
I KNOW!!! SLAG.
I shouldn't of kissed him.
But i'm not leading him on because he knows the situation.
He then came back to mine for a bit, and watched TV..we held hands...then he left...he said he knew nothing would come of this and he didn't mind and said i just needed to do what made me happy.
B worships the ground i walk on practically..so why can't i love him????????
I'M MAD.
S is being overly loveing lately....after being a dick....it's making me suspicious....
telling me he can't live without me etc....
And the psychiatrists think I'M bipolar...they should check him out!
Anyway...so thats how my day went....
Me and B cuddling and kissing..while txting S....
Ergh.
I'm disgusting.
I don't know what i want...i just want to be loved.
I've been so honest and good my whole life to people, maybe this is my chance to try life a new way? Lie, cheat..be a bitch.
Calorie intake was good today!!
600cals or less?
I have to go to the doctors tomorrow for more pills...
That stresses me out just thinking about it...because everytime i do go, they ask me a million questions before handing over the prescription.
On a good note, my book i ordered AGES AGO came today! :D
So i'll have a good read now!
If you still want to follow me after this bitchy post, i thankyou.
Astra x
"We adore the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who adore us" - one of my favourite quotes that can describe your situation.
ReplyDeleteWe all need to be loved. I feel the same way. I've been good all my life and in the end I get no one. Maybe being and ignorant bitch gets people somewhere in life? I would be one but my character wouldn't allow that.
Why would I want to unfollow you?
Take care <3
It's interesting that you said "I just want to be loved" because even before reading the post, I was going to comment off the title: "That's at least 100 people who love you, and at least 100 to keep living."
ReplyDeleteYou ARE loved, beautiful girl. So much more than you know! x x x
yay for the book :D
ReplyDelete*happy dance* for you 100 followers :)
don't worry about the kissing - sometimes just kissing and cuddling is nice :)
so many people love you - including me :)
love you beautiful girl - give that anxiety and good swift kick in the arse ;)
WE LOVE YOU, ASTRA.
ReplyDeleteFor real.
:D
You are an amazing, strong, beautiful girl and we are all here for you.
Screw guys, haha. :D
Hang in there.
*hugs*
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3
I had a wee chuckle at the bipolar part lol.
ReplyDeleteDoctors asking questions when you are with them frustrates me. It's the SAME questions every single time. It starts to feel like you are both just reading off a script or something.
xxx
I don't have any attention from boys but have issues with them anyway - relationships are complicated...
ReplyDeleteyou didn't do anything wrong. guys make likfe so much more effort lol
ReplyDeleteSure unless you're in a committed relationship (and by that I mean "married") it's not cheating. :D
ReplyDeletexoxo