Sunday, 11 December 2011

Ana Says DON'T EAT.




I've let everybody down, i've let myself down.
I've been a BINGE MONSTER ALL FREAKING WEEK
This has to stop!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MYSELF, and i can't escape it.
I just devoured half a bar of a huge block chocolate.
All the time something in my head, i wont call it Ana, because i don't like her. But it was screaming...
"STOP IT NOW. YOUR CLOGGING YOUR ARTERIES WITH DISGUSTING FAT YOU BITCH. FAT BITCH FAT BITCH."
Did i take any notice?
NO.
Because i have zero self control.
I tried to purge it...........
FAILED.
I can't ever do it...nothing comes up...
How do you get it to come up??????
Starting from now, below 1000 cals a day.
NO EXCUSES.
I feel fat and bloated ad disgusting.
No wonder my acne is flaring up again. I deserve it, it's my punishment for binging.
I know i've gained. I an just see the fat in the mirror.
FUCKING PILLS.
40.6KG had probably turned into 41-2KG now.
92lbs roughly? It might not seem a lot to you, but it's A LOT to me.

WATER IS MY BEST FRIEND.
FRESH ORANGE JUICE IS SECOND BEST FRIEND.
CONTROL
CONTROL
CONTROL.
Posted by Depressed Skinny Mess. at 10:25 pm
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5 comments:

  1. Anafly12 December 2011 at 07:45

    I was feeling the same way as you yesterday and you know what? Today was a MUCH better day for me.
    Yes today feels bad but every day is a fresh start; tomorrow will be absolutely amazing.
    If you think about it though you're tricking your metabolism, this could be giving it a little jump start :)
    Even if you feel otherwise you are NOT disgusting and you will never be.
    This is just a guess here, but when I hear the voice telling me off when I'm binging and when i ignore it I think I ignore it because I want to try and prove to it and myself that it doesn't control me... but it does.
    Oh I really love that first picture you posted by the way, that describes it so well.
    You are amazing and beautiful.
    Love Anafly
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jade12 December 2011 at 19:54

    I had a massive binge myself as well. Under 1000 sounds good. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rose12 December 2011 at 21:11

    That sounds awful, and I feel the same way. Things will get better though. You are stronger than you think. Much love
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just me12 December 2011 at 23:40

    You are beautiful. X x X x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous13 December 2011 at 22:30

    Same with me. Stay strong and we'll make it through this week

    ReplyDelete

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