Hey girlys,
Ok...this post is either going to sound pathetic..or clever...But before i get to that bit..i have to admit something, i'm not proud of...
Last night, again, i cut really bad...my arm is now more cuts and scabs, than skin..
I couldn't help myself..i just got so upset and angry last night, mainly because i was doing so well with food...and then at the last minute gave in..and stuffed my face.
Probably ended yesterday on 1000 cals.
FUCK.
But....today however i cunningly asked C how to do proper sit ups, to tone my abs...(Coz he goes down the gym regular, so he knows this stuff) he didn't have a clue of my real intentions for asking! haha. We went for a walk today in the woods, and talked...was kinda nice i guess..but i do feel a little awkward though, seeing as i still don't know what i want...
OK...so onto the bit thats either going to sound pathetic or clever...
S asked what i was doing tonight....i lied and said i'm out with mates having fun...then he asks if i'm with guys and starts getting really pissy and jealous...so i say yes..and make up a whole story about getting attention and stuff..to make him jealous, so it looks like i'm not moping around after him...
Is that pathetic?????
When actually, i'm sitting here typing this to you..... haha.
I just don't want him thinking i'm still crying over him...even though now he wont talk to me because "i'm out with guys" We aren't even together? And he was the one who screwed up!
I might just become lesbian...what do you think? hahahahah!
Astra x
I don't think there was any point in lying to him. It doesn't matter what he thinks of you. What matters most is how you see yourself. And I'm praying that you'll start to love yourself real soon x x
ReplyDeleteHearing about the cutting saddens me. I cut last night also. I know that feeling where the anger and self-contempt kind of takes over and what else is there to do with it? I really hope today goes better.
ReplyDeleteit's not pathetic at all.
ReplyDeletei may be honest on my blog, but in real life, the truth can be hella boring (in my opinion). just don't make it a habit. :P