Fragile And Frail

Evening my loves,

I guess the title of the post, best describes how i feel right now.

Fragile because my head is just totally messed up, more so than yesterday.

And Frail, because i feel it, all i've eaten all day is a few bites of cereal, and it's now 9.20pm

How many calories is that?? Hardly any i think.

Everytime i eat i feel like i'm going to throw up, every single piece of food in the world makes me feel sick, even to think about it.

My mum cottened on to the fact i haven't been eating for days. and questioned it. i simply shrugged it off and said i haven't been feeling well, which TECHNICALLY isn't a lie. Because i haven't. i just don't feel like eating..ever! i swear this is the skinniest i have been in a while, i can't say for sure though because we don't own scales...BUM!!

But my skinny jeans which are a UK 6 so i think thats size 4 in America? Not sure. Are actually becoming loose! And everything else just sort of hangs on me.

I'm not even sure i like it. I mean, what am i even saying??? This is what i worked for, now i'm debating whether i like it or not????

What the hell is wrong with me?

I feel really light headed :(

My mum also found out about my cutting....she just sort of came into my room while i was in my bra and jeans and saw...she hasn't mentioned it since though. But keeps saying i should go to the doctors again about my weight. I THINK NOT.

I also saw my other ex today, lets call him C. His the one i dumped S for.

He rode up to mine on his bike to see how i was..because i told him i felt awful, and we just kinda hugged outside and talked. I'm not even sure if i love him anymore or it's just comfort feelings because we know eachother inside out. And plus i can't stop thinking about S.

I'm such a confused mess it's unreal. i can't think straight. I think it's the lack of food...i mean i do kind of want something small to eat..but i know it'll only make me feel worse afterwards. My stomach feels nauseous.

And you know one of the bad things about losing weight???

BOOBS!!!

I actually have no boobs anymore. I can barely fit into a size 32A. Sexy....

Again, thankyou for all your support. Your all amazing.

Astra x