Oh my dear beauty's,
I think i've hit an all time low.
Nothing seems worth it anymore, i'm so tired all the time, i don't even know why, even typing is a chore.
My mum said i look "stick thin" and pale...i'm always pale! And i've noticed lately how bad my circulation is, my feet today were purple and ice cold haha. God knows why.
My mum says it's lack of nutrients....
Who cares....
I ordered a book on amazon today, "And i don't want to live this life" It's about Nancy Spungen, you know? Sid Vicious's girlfriend. I always seem so interested in mucked up people..she had schizophrenia and depression...so could be an interesting read!
I like reading about mucked up people..makes me feel less alone.
I'm scared....i feel so alone.
I barely talk to any of my friends anymore..i'm losing them.
I had such a good life before all this.....
Maybe its karma?
Did i do something wrong??...probably.
I find myself these days, in just a daze. Even commenting on your lovely blogs, i'm writing...but i feel it is of no use to any of you, because my mind is so numb.
I feel like a ghost, slowly disappearing.....
Astra x
keep strong hoeny i dont have msn but u can email me any time mandy_tuffrey@hotmaail.com i ve hit an all time low too dw were in this together
ReplyDeletelots of love
xx
aww babe!! feel better!! try to find something youre passionate about to help keep your mind busy...and yea the cold feet is lack of nutrients...=/
ReplyDeleteI understand that feeling, and. I pray you can find your way out of your depression. And honestly you comments are sometimes the only the thing that keeps me going.
ReplyDeleteOh and I love reading books about people who stubble with similar feelings too! Helps me feel less like an outcast.
With love,
~Ell
You need to know that this is NOT karma. You do NOT deserve this; you deserve happiness and peace and to be able to love who you are.
ReplyDeleteWatch this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
x x x
I'm so sorry. Feeling that lack of meaning and passion in life is so painful and difficult-and even more so because the numbness makes it impossible to feel how painful it is.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could find one or two small things you can do today to be kind to yourself.
you dont deserve this, it's not your fault. stay strong, xo.
ReplyDeleteHey, Ive been reading your blog and just wanted to say hi :) You're not alone - we're here for you. If you want a text buddy, then I'm open to the idea! I also live in the UK.
ReplyDeleteI also frequently read about 'messed up' people and try to find books about such topics - I guess it just helps to know that we're not alone.
Much love,
AA xxx