White Light. Dead

Hello beauties,

So... these past few days have been eventful...

I almost had to go to hospital last night...i OD'ed on a cocktail of drugs..i just popped a ton of them out of their packets and swallowed them all.

Didn't do much...

All that happened was that i collapsed and passed out for an hour..then just felt really sick and had a really bad stomach ache..REALLY bad.

Now i have to see the psychiatrist on Friday, i'm not sure if i will tell her about the OD. I don't want to be taken in as an in-patient.

I've given up on exercise i have absolutely no motivation at all!

I've gotten worse...AGAIN. 

The voices are back with a vengeance and so is my paranoia.

I swear everyone is laughing, whispering and trying to hurt me.

Me and S are doing good..we had a lovely weekend.

His moved some of his stuff into my bedroom, just for now while he gets himself sorted. 

I feel so so bad.....

When me and S had a mini breakup a few months ago, i tore all his cards and shit he had given me up....and when he came to mine last weekend he showed me his cards, and asked where mine were...i had to lie obviously...but i regret it so badly...i wish i still had his cards..

I've also become strangely maternal all of a sudden...i actually want a baby now....i actually want to move in with S. I dunno what wrong with me! I've NEVER been maternal..i've always hated kids!

Astra x