So today i was officially diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.
Great!!
AND I've been on the wrong pills...i was on pills for normal depression, not bi-polar!
So that's why my moods have been so erratic.
I told her all about my up and down moods and thoughts, and emotions, and she just said i should be on pills for bi-polar..because that's what i have...
My psychiatrist still thinks i'm anorexic! I swear she knows i'm lying about my food intake and shit...she kept asking questions about it all! Ooops.
So now, i'm on new pills on top of all my others! God! How many more pills can i take?!
I'm also super stressing about my birthday soon...
I made a FB event for it...but it's taking ages for people to reply to it...
I've invited people i haven't seen in ages...to try and rebuild friendships, dunno how thats gonna turn out...
Now my paranoia has set in and i'm thinking people wont turn up...
I just basically put, i wanted to hit the town and get wasted haha...even though i'm not meant to...but fuck it!!! I'm only 20 once!
I'm trying to think of the positives...and looking forward to things...it's just really hard when all you think of is death =/
Oh yeah and another funny thing...my psychiatrist made me promise not to try and OD on all these pills!! ...HOW DID SHE KNOW???
I didn't even tell her about the OD!
Weird....
So maybe now...hopefully....i'll start to feel better?
Coz fuck knows i can't take feeling this shit much more...
There's only so many OD's i can take without actually dieing.
Astra x
I hope these new pills will help you! Now that you're on the right ones you'll probably begin improving! Chin up, I'm sure people will show. I get that too a lot, it's the main reason I haven't thrown myself a party in ages.
ReplyDeletePlease don't OD again. Please.
<3<3<3
I pray that these will help you!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the fb event.. people suck at replying to events. Better to mention it in person if you can to find out if they're coming :)
Take care beautiful ♥ x
I *hate* how they automatically stick anyone with depression or anxiety on an SSRI!! There's so many other disorders that cause those symptoms, and anti-depressants make them WORSE. I wouldn't have had my suicide attempt if I hadn't been put on an SSRI so casually.
ReplyDeleteHopefully things will turn around for you now.
At least you're not alone :-). My thoughts of death have increased a hell of a lot lately... And I'm only 14! Ulh...
ReplyDeletei hate when doctors cant get their shit right. Last year they put me on xanax, an extreme downer that had me falling asleep constantly. When really i was supposed to be on uppers to help with my depression! ugh
ReplyDeletewww.strengthisbeauty13.com
I know how it is... I myself suffered from Bipolar Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia! It's awful, I know. And I was off better for I didn't go for a Psychiatrist. It only worsens it. And pills don't help! They just cause more of the negative effects, you talk less, be more lonely and stuff. It's pure chaos. There's only ONE thing that helps and PILLS, are not it!
ReplyDelete~K.R. ( http://snareoflight.blogspot.com )