Dear beauties,
I'm sick of feeling mad, i hate feeling depressed, i don't want to hate myself anymore.
These new pills are making me feel worse!
My moods are so up and down at the moment its unreal.
I cut the other day...not badly because i'm weak and pathetic...but enough for the blood to run down my arm.
It helped...
Now i'm back to feeling an empty shell, i'm back into the routine of constantly feeling tired..and hungry...i'll go to bed around 1am...and just lay there for hours tossing and turning because my thoughts are racing through my head.
"I'm so tired, i can't sleep" -Nirvana, pennyroyal tea.
My paranoia is back full pelt too, everything is driving me mad!!
I keep thinking people are talking behind my back, laughing at me, tricking me, i can't trust anybody all over again!
I went to lunch with the girls yesterday, and went shopping, and got my hair cut, which was nice...but still i thought they were laughing at me.
I'm also OCD at the moment, for example, if i do something, i'll have to do it three times over, to make sure it's right and i've done is correctly.... or i'll feel something bad will happen to me...weird?
I'll probably end up editing this severall times!
I'll probably end up editing this severall times!
My appetite is ridic. I can't stop eating!
I'm thinking i'm just going to have to get into the routine of exercising regular.
I need a flat stomach again..i miss it so bad!
My thighs actually touch now...that's how big i'm getting...
NEED TO GET THIN AGAIN!!!!
THINSPO, THINSPO, THINSPO!!
Also, this is a link to Isabelle Caro's blog, when she was alive, it's so inspiring..
Astra x
You're beautiful & loved <3 x
ReplyDeleteThe pills will make things better, you just have to hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI hope you start feeling better soon,
xx
I hope everything gets better soon. Maybe you can get some new pills that wont make everything worse and wont make you gain weight. I hope you get happy again.
ReplyDeleteThat's unfortunate for her. I saw her blog it is very inspiring but that translation messes all the words up so I think it's easier to just read in french.
Stay safe ♥
Maybe your psychiatrist should loosen up on the meds or change them or something. Because you need to feel happy not self loathing your too good for that. I understand uncontrollable hunger, but green tea helps settle it.
ReplyDeleteLove you lots beautiful!
Ell
yea talk to your doctor about all of it, cause not every pill works great for everyone. you have to find the balance that works for you. i know how you feel tho, when i first started my appetite was insane and i felt like i was getting better with depression but worse with anxiety which is made me noticeably OCD. hang in there <3
ReplyDeleteI know you're a little off-kilter right now, but please don't use the term OCD to describe your manic re-checking of everything. I do not think that you clearly understand what OCD is. My brother suffers from it and it is so much more than re-doing things and being a perfectionist. It is crying after you walk by a pregnant woman because you are terrified you hurt her child. It is washing your hands for hours on end until they bleed. It is praying aloud forever for fear that you may hurt someone you love.
ReplyDeletePlease don't diagnose yourself with things, but I really do hope you get better. /rant
If your meds are making you feel that way, it sounds like they're not working for you. Maybe talk to your doc about it? Especially if it's making you paranoid and giving you OCD-ish behaviors! I think you've got enough to deal with already. <3
ReplyDeletei hope those pills helps you and talk to your doc about OCD and see :S
ReplyDeletehope you get better
take care
PS: like the way you write! :)