Dear beauties,
So a couple of nights ago, i cut bad.
Now my arm is covered with deep slashes, so i guess thats another month of covering up!
All i want to do right now is pack my bags and run away somewhere, away from my problems, away from my mind.
Somewhere picturesque and beautiful.
Where the trees sway in the warm wind, where everything is colourful, the flowers bloom and the sun shines.
Somewhere in my mind that beautiful place hides away.
I just want out of this darkness.
I feel like i need to run a million miles and scream.
I feel like i need to run a million miles and scream.
S is now on anti depressants too...he keeps talking to me about suicide and how he wants to die and shit...so now i have to worry about him too...it's so hard telling him to keep strong and how he can beat this, while all along i feel like a complete hypocrite.
He keeps going on about moving in together too...so i don't really understand why he wants to die..and move in together?
Anywho..it's got me thinking that i need to find a job...even though i wouldn't be able to handle a job right now seeing as i'm still cutting and shit..but i feel like i have to push myself or i'll get no where?
I've been at the same place in my life for far too long.
But at the same time i don't feel ready to move on...
I dunno where i'm at...
I'm such a mess at the moment i can't think straight.
My face is covered with acne now too, so thats a confidence breaker...i feel like shit!
Anybody know any good acne creams?
I've also been doing my abdominal crunches :) So hopefully i can get a little six pack going!
I've done well with food today, i hardly ate anything til dinner, so id guess maybe 1000 cal or less today?
I need to loose this weight i've put on, i want my ribs back. I kept pulling at my fat today thinking how fat i look in the mirror. But i will get control back!!! I have to.
Astra x
I'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now. :(
ReplyDeleteRemember that your happiness/health should always come before your friend's. I know it sounds selfish, but in the end, he really has to help himself and you have to help yourself. I can definitely relate though--it adds a lot of stress when your friends depend on you that much. Hang in there.
As for acne, high protein low carb diets help reduce acne. Exfoliating and then moisturizing your skin at night with sensitive oil-free lotions also helps reduce acne. I like using Nutrogena cream and grapefruit facial exfoliating scrub. hope that helps. (:
i have a really good cream for acne, but its a prescription one =/ stay strong babe! i know how it feels to be a wreck. im there. the only thing that keeps me going is all the craziness i need to do. maybe getting a job would help just get your mind on something else
ReplyDeleteI like witch hazel for acne if it's just a flare-up now & then, but if it does turn into something persistent that's really bugging you then go to your GP; they'll get you on something to sort it out for free and I promise it'll be a whole lot more effective than stuff you buy in a chemist! x
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a nice place, I wish I could go there too. I feel like I'm stuck at the moment so I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
im sorry i am another burden...
ReplyDeleteplease be ok
love you so much
xx
Splashing cold water on your face is meant to clear the pores. My Gran always swore by it.
ReplyDeleteHope you find your happy place soon.
Take Care
xox
I use tea tree oil and pore cleansing pads. I also have this tea tree oil soap from the farmers market. Hopefully you find happiness soon <3
ReplyDelete