So Here We Go Again....

Dear lovelies,

Well last night was...interesting?

Went out at half 5 to the birthday girl's house for pre-drinks! And got ready round hers, then everyone else turned up :) It was lovely having everyone together again, people that i hadn't seen in ages..and i kept my promise to myself, and didn't get drunk! Even though i had wine, jager bombs and shots! It was all going so well! We went round a few clubs, danced the night away! So much so, i really hurt my leg! Haha. Took tons of pictures and generally had a right laugh with everyone :) And got chatted up by tons of guys....( Probably since i was dressed as a police woman) They were only after one thing so i told them all to sod off! And then kissed my best mate.....ha!! (who's a girl)! The pictures are hilarious! Then bumped into some other mates, and had a dance with them ( Who are also C's friends)...we'll come to that in a bit.....

And then i had a dance with a guy i've had a crush on since school! That was nice....a bit of harmless flirting :) ( He's gorgeous, he looks a bit like Kurt Cobain..who is BEAUTIFUL!!)

He kept picking me up and spinning me around :)

I ended up not paying a penny the whole night! Which is good! Coz the guys were happy to buy me drinks :P ( Cheeky)!

It was all going so well until about 1am...when i got an out of the blue text from C.......

"Your a cunt. And a liar. I hope your suffer with pain and misery for the rest of your life".

WTF.?

This is when it clicked....the "mates" i had danced with earlier who are mutual mates must of told him i was in town and happy....i haven't spoken to C in months because he scared me in the end and i'm in love with S, and i made my mind up about that ages ago. I want S. So then guess what???

My mood plummeted.

All i could think of whilst waiting for a taxi home was, god i wanna run into that traffic....

I went suicidal. I came home and told my mum about the text...so she rang up straight away the next morning, C's dad, and warned him that if he texts me again, she'll get the police involved.

And now, going from being relaxed with S, i'm on edge...because i know if i see C and i'm with S, C will go off on one....and tell S everything....

So now i have to keep them apart...and plus me and S are becoming official next week...and if C see's this on facebook...i dunno what he'll do...i'm so scared. My life could fall apart so easily again. C is blocked on my facebook, but he's mates will see, someone is bound to say something....

I'm so fucking scared.

Last night it sent me into such a low mood i told my mum about feeling FAT.

Yup...now she knows.......

fuck.

There is so much stress going on in my head again...i can't lose S, i just can't.

I'll fall apart. It will send me into actually officially killing myself.

I'm just so fucking scared.

Astra x