Doesn't this just describe everything so well???
Dear beauties,
So i'm still here...
After attempting to OD again....
All i feel is dizzy and sick. I guess i just wanted a buzz....i'm thinking of taking some from my mums wardrobe where she keeps all hers...and then getting a bottle of wine and downing the lot.
I seriously couldn't give a fuck right now.
I want to go out in a blaze of glory!
I'm tired of waking up to the same shit.
I've tried praying, i've tried punching pillows, i've tried cutting, i've tried weed, i've tried getting drunk
IT DOESN'T WORK.
None of it works....it never has.
It's all one big lie.
They all tell us, tomorrow will be better, take some pills, this will sedate you...
You don't fool me you fucking doctors.
Nothing works!!!!!
It's all there for our comfort. None of it's true.
Death is the only end to the pain.
I'm sorry for hurting any of you..but it's all lies, drugs, psychiatrists, doctors...nothing works, the pain is still there, it always will be...i've had this since 13 years old, and it still hasn't gone away, after all them pills and dosages. The scars are proof it doesn't work.
Some of us are destined to live, while others, like me, are destined to have a short life. I get it. I'm ok with it. They all call me a loon when i tell them i'm destined to have a short life, but i'm not, because it's true! I can feel death.
Everyday i wake up wanting to die, struggling to get the strength to get out of bed. Seeing hallucinations, hearing things. Maybe i am a loon??
Sorry about this post, i'm just so sick of this life
I love you all
Astra x
Astra, there's so much beauty in this world. Yes, there's a lot of fucking shit, but there's also so much to appreciate. I wake up and want to die too. I dread going through the motions of living when I think about all of the ugly things....sometimes it all seems so pointless...but I haven't killed myself yet, not because I'm scared of hurting the people around me (I doubt anyone would be too greatly affected)or because I want to "succeed" in life or whatever...but I just think that I'm young and there's so much I haven't seen yet...
ReplyDeleteYou're young too, darling.
p.s. if you ever want to contact me you can email me at henceforthtrekkingnnorth@gmail.com or follow my private blog http://myslenderideas.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteBe strong!
You are destined to live too.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve life just as much as anyone else. And I know that it really, really sucks right now, and I know you don't believe it'll get better, but beautiful girl you have to keep hearing it and you have to hold onto hope.
Keep praying. God loves you so much. You are His beautiful daughter. He chose to create you. I believe that with all of my heart and I believe that if you let Him, He will walk this journey with you & see you through it.
My email address is on my page if you ever want to talk or ask anything.
Lots of love; I'll be praying for you x x
no i know how you feel. like how much can you take day after day. its going to break you. i got the way i am later in life than you, so im not quite there yet. one of my best friends was even more fed up with it and tried killing herself every other day for two weeks. im not sure what happened, but at some point something just snapped and now she thrown herself into a hobby instead...idk.
ReplyDeletebe strong! were here. please dont do anything drastic...
I know its hard but try and be strong.
ReplyDeleteI think we all come to this point, where we just want it to end. But you cant let this win, don't let this disorder keep you from experiencing what life has to offer. We were lucky to be born in a time where there are so many opportunities out there for us.The world is yours if you want it.
I know this is easier said then done, but just have to take the chance that things will get better.
Hope you'll be okay. Much love. xx
There will always be a lot of sh*t to deal with in this life, some of it worse than the rest, but no one is destined for a short life. Life won't get better unless we MAKE IT better. No one will fight the madness for us. There is light and hope and happiness out there, but we have to keep fighting to make it ours. Even when things are so awful you feel like you can't take it; you just have to find the strength to keep going. Life is too precious to waste.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
Don't give up, I know you probably won't believe me, but someday everything will become okay, you just have to get through the rough times and learn from every single mistake and grow stronger every time it's not going your way. Do everything you can to make life better, and let time do the rest.
ReplyDeleteYou'll grow up being a strong, beautiful girl, just stay strong and never give up!
And thank you for your lovely comment, much love ♥
this makes me so sad, because sometimes i feel the same. dont give up though, dear! There's always something to live for, even if you don't know it or it hasnt happened yet. live for YOU. you know, get involved and do things, be around good people. sitting around and being depressed never helps! Dont give up, you have support here (even though its hard to see), STAY STRONG <3 were here for you!
ReplyDelete