Dear beauties,
I miss myself..i miss the old me...the one you couldn't shut up, the one who made you laugh, the one who always had a good time.
I've lost myself. Totally.
The family is coming down tomorrow...i'm not in the mood. I'd rather be alone.
Depression and anxiety has taken over.
I don't know what "normal" feels like anymore. It's kinda scary.
How do people deal with things in their lives, that i would simply break down at?
I feel like cutting. Don't know if i will........
Exercise seems the only option right now.
To all of you that have asked, the book i'm reading is,
"And i don't want to live this life"
Its about Nancy Spungen and her struggles with drug addiction, depression, and other mental illnesses. Has lots of self harm in it, sex, and rock n roll. It's very triggering...so if you do decide to read this and buy it, i will warn you now. But saying that, it is an amazing read. It makes me feel less alone...and i can relate so much to her.
I feel so alone and depressed it's unreal.
Cutting does nothing anymore. Unless i actually cut myself to ribbons...that's not gonna look good when the family come round....
The voices are back and wont stop.
Just wont stop.
The voices are back and wont stop.
Just wont stop.
Astra x
You are beautiful and so not alone. I hope it's at least a comfort to know that I know how you feel and what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know that sometimes the urge to cut is overwhelming and absolutlely impossible to resist but please try. And try to let your family put you in a good mood. The old you may be in there somewhere, in the meantime just hold your head up lovely.
I'm not feeling to great today either.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow will be better.
And I will definitely try out that book :)
Stay strong ♥
I hope you feel much better. And don't worry the "old" you is still you. You can't get rid of yourself completely.. sometimes when our bad traits come out our good traits go into hiding though, and that's all.
ReplyDeletehugs lovely - I know your happy self is in there somewhere <3
ReplyDeleteyour so strong don't give up.
I'm praying and telling those voice to fuck right off.
try and enjoy family time - maybe your old self can dig its self out slowly.
massive love coming your way
The core of you is still inside you. She's beautiful & wonderful and she will come through this awful, awful time, stronger than she's ever been before.
ReplyDeleteStay strong beautiful girl ♥ x
When I'll be having more time maybe I'll try to find this book, but I have a lot books which stay only in my plans ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't give up, everyone feels confused sometimes.
You're so beautiful and wonderful, and I'm sure you'll find yourself. Stay strong, lovely. Your sadness breaks my heart, please be careful <3
ReplyDeleteHey thanks for all the comments! Sorry it's taking me a couple days to get back to you....
ReplyDeleteYeah muscles are good just notnforbthe scale necessarily haha but they actually burn calories on their own which is good.
My apartment complex has its own gym so I'm glad I don't have to pay for it... The other gym I just get into since my parents belong and they haven't realized I'm married yet... It helps that I still look about 18 or younger sometimes
Sorry for the ramble.
I wish you felt better!! Hope the voices go away soon.
Love! <3