So...i'm still alive. After another failed attempt at an OD.
How much does it take to die for fuck sake?
I've come to realise that this wont go away...and i have to live through this pain, either for the rest of my life, or for a long time to come yet.
I don't remember when i last genuinely smiled or felt happy.
All i remember is pain. Sad but oh so true.
Sorry i scared you....
I'm so stupid i can't even kill myself properly.
I wont go on about how miserable i am, or how life is terrible and how i feel so numb and hopeless because i've written it a million times, and you're probably sick of reading it!
No wonder i lost a follower....
I don't know where my life is heading...or who i can rely on anymore, even B isn't talking to me anymore for some unknown reason.
The only person in this world you can rely on is yourself. And even sometimes i can't even do that.
I gave my heart away, opened up, tore down my walls to so many"friends" who now don't talk to me, or ignore me, or have replaced me with a better model. I've never felt so alone as i do now...
I can't even get an app with my psychiatrist for another 2 months apparently all because i was too ill to go, well sooorrryyy!
Doctors tomorrow to pick up more pills...ergh.
I'm so depressing aren't i? LOL.
I love you guys,
Astra x
Hey sweety, please don't hurt yourself. Maybe you're right, maybe you are the only person you can rely on. In that case, someone will always be there as will always have yourself - that sounds weird but you know what I mean. You are a strong person and you can take care of yourself and make the things happen in your life that you want to happen. Friends and partners come and go, don't let them or what they think define you. Only you can define you. Don't give up. Take care *hugs*
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
i'm so sorry for what you're going through. You can count on us, we're all here for you. Unlike the "friends" in our lives, the friends you have on here all understand and feel some of the pain you're going through. stay strong sweetie
ReplyDeletep.s. whenever i try to look at your blog it says that I have to be invited to look at it "/ but if you write a new entry i can click on it no problem
I am glad to read that you are still with us even if you are not. I am sorry that you are so sad I wish I could say something or do something to help. Please dont leave us we all love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you wish to kill yourself. You are not stupid. You are wonderful. You were put on this Earth for a reason, you just don't know what that reason is yet. Oh gosh I sounded all old and fake and ew. Sorry 'bout that. Anyways, loosing a follower isn't much when you have 148. I have 13 and I'm not caring if I loose a few. As long as people aren't bitching, it doesn't matter to me :-). Please don't OD. It gives me bad memories from American Horror Story. Exercise instead. It helped me a lot, and I hope it will help you too. Even when you think no one is caring, there is someone out there hoping for you to be happy. I promise you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you're still here. I've tried to do that to myself several times, believe me, I know how cliché it sounds, but time makes things better. Hang in there sweetie.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're still alive. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I know there's nothing I can do to make it go away, but I wish there was. I hate to hear that you're so upset.
ReplyDeleteI love you, please take care of yourself.
<3 you are never truly alone. I promise :)
ReplyDeleteB loves u u no that
ReplyDeletemaybe he just cant bear to see u hurt so much
u arent meant to die thats why your still here ur not ready to leave
i really duno what happened to us
im truly sorry if i could turn back time i would without a doubt
i love u with all my heart
keep strong please all these people love u so much
“Suicide, is a persons privilege. I don't believe it's a sin or a crime it's your right if you do. Though it doesn't get you anywhere.”
― Marilyn Monroe
“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe
im sorry
xx
Hey.. I have just found your blog, And I am so happy that you are still around, everyone has a time to go and maybe it just wasnt yours.. Dont give up hope, I know that no matter how bad it is now, it will get better. I believe that, firmly, stronger than I believe a lot of things.. Even if its blind faith, it is what gets me though. The world is a pretty dark place, but I know that somewhere out there is a wonderful life waiting for you. Stay strong and good luck <3
ReplyDeleteLots of love
- Rayya x
Honey I'm so glad you weren't successful, I would have missed you terribly. I'm so sorry you feel so alone, if I could take that feeling away, I would. I know what this black hole of a mental state you're in feels like--fuck, I'm there too!-- but you don't deserve to feel like this. You're such a lovely person, and I wish you could see it. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to contact me <3 xoxo
ReplyDelete<3 hope you're holding up alright. :3
ReplyDeletestay strong, darling. you'll be okay.
I'm happy that'r still here...
ReplyDeleteI'd really want to meet you... and talk to u in person.. :)
give u a big hug!