I'm not sure where to begin...
I guess i'll start from the other day,
I went to see my friend B, the one who has feelings for me...
We met up, and went down in this woody area round where he lives, and did some pot, which was nice, seeing as i needed to relax! And then we got talking....well..he did...
He kept saying how he still has very strong feelings for me, and he would always be here for me if i wanted him. He kept saying how S is treating me like shit lately..which he is, but i'll go into that in a minute...we ended up going back to his to watch a film, and laid down and cuddled for a while, he kept kissing me on the head, all the while S was txting me being horrible..B said i shouldn't have to deal with this, the way i am right now, because i don't have anybody to lean on, S leans on me for everything...but i can't be his rock because i can't even support myself let alone him too...
It was so nice to just cuddle, and having someone to rant to about MY problems for once, he actually listened to me, which is what i need right now, B would do literally anything for me..he cares about me a lot, he puts me first...but yet i can't feel anything for him =/
I don't get it....he expresses so many feelings for me, but i can't reciprocate...
He would truely be everything i need, but there is just nothing there...or at least i don't think so..because i'm not letting myself feel anything? Because i'm so loyal, even when we were cuddling i felt like i was cheating...but i wasn't...was i?
So now i move into S...
His depression is getting worse, and so is his paranoia, for example, i'm supposed to be going out tomorrow night, and ever since i told him, a few days ago, all i'm getting is abuse hurled at me, like, " Oh you might as well fuck off now then because your only going to cheat, why don't you just get it over with now" etc etc.....
For days, this is all i've gotten!
And just yesterday he told me he was in a mood with me and didn't want to talk to me anymore because he doesn't want me going out!
And then ended up adding girls on fb just to get back at me.
He is pushing me away, slowly but surely...
He is leaning on me fully, for emotional support, but i can't lean on him...
I can't even help myself at the moment so how am i supposed to help him?
I just want to feel loved and wanted, not a doormat and a leaning post.
I love him so much...i couldn't break up with him, i wouldn't be able to cope...but i can't carry on supporting him like this, i have no one i can rant off too, except B.
I've told S i can't keep doing this but he takes no notice of me
I just don't know what to do anymore...
What do i do???
I need to be happy..i need a strong BF who can support me for once.
I an feel myself slipping again
Astra x
You need to be away from S! He is not good for you, he isn't there for you ever. Landon and I had similar problems in the beginning of our relationship but it's gotten so much better and obviously if your situation isn't getting better its better off done. He's belittling you so he can feel better. Him saying those things could be him just trying to protect himself, as well as trying to make you feel bad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteAbout B, you may not have feelings for him but he can always be a better person for you in your life. You can have him for a best friend and who knows maybe one day things will just start feeling different. He is there for you. He can help you when you need it, and that's what you need right now. You need to be supported and not pushed around like your a peice of trash.
You're so much better than that. I hope you feel better <3
I think you know what you need to do, even if its not something you want atm. Think of it this way: would you rather stay with this guy and continue to have such a crappy relationship and be constantly drained by trying to make it work out or would you prefer to go through a break up and be alone for a bit, work on trying to fix yourself, and then find a guy who treats you right and gives you the support you need.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe you and S need some time apart to work on yourselves and to stop bringing each other down.
Whatever you do talk to S and tell him how you feel. His reaction should help you decide.
Your a beautiful person. *hugs*
Stay Strong <3
"I need to be happy..i need a strong BF who can support me for once."
ReplyDeleteThis is where the problem lies. You don't need a boyfriend. You need friends, real friends like B who can truly support you. You know how much harder S is making your life. That isn't going to stop. You can make that stop by ending things with him. Because no matter what other good things come your way, you will never be happy with someone like that in your life.
Completely agree with all of Cleona's comment, and the first & last parts of TinyRose's.
Keep holding on lovely - there is a better life out there and you're not alone as you head towards it. Lots of love x x x
Honey, I hate to say this, but I agree with all the previous comments, I think you might need a break from S. I know it's easy for all of us to say that, hiding behind these usernames talking to someone we've never met, but we honestly just want what's best for you. It's hard to let go of someone that you obviously love so much, but it sounds like he's going through a really rough patch and it's taking a bad toll on you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that B is the right guy for you though. I know what it's like to have such a wonderful guy in your life that loves you so much but you just can't feel anything but platonic feelings for him. Don't blame yourself for that, I know it's easy to turn to guilt about the situation, but there is really nothing you can do. I am just glad that B is there to listen to you when you need him.
I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, sending my love xoxo
Hey! you dont feel the same for B, as you dont have feelings for him. you dont like him the same way. you might not always have the same feelings as the other person has for you. as for s,do you know why s is behaving this way? you should talk to him about it. if needed, rather just break up but continue being friends.
ReplyDeleteyou dont need a boyfriend to be there for you. you have your friends and us too.
hope u feel better soon.
xoxo :)
Ugh I'm sorry hun, that sounds rough. You're in a tough situation, and one with no easy answer. You definitely do not deserve to be treated like that by anyone. It might be good to take some time to really think about why you feel like you love S? I know a lot of people who have stayed in horrible relationships because they're clinging to the idea of the person they fell in love with, rather than who that person actually is. It's hard to let go, but for your own sake it might be a good idea. And that doesn't mean you would have to jump into a relationship with B; it might even be better to be single for a while. That way you can take care of yourself without having to worry about anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI hope things work out, and that you can let S go if he doesn't stop with his bullcrap. You DO deserve someone who can support you and treat you right. <3