When Are Things Going To Change?

 

Hey girlies,

 

Sorry i've been a bad blogger!

I just ran out of things to say, i didn't wanna bore you with the same old shit :(

I'm ill at the moment, which doesn't help my mood!

Bloody heavy cold, sore throat, body aches all over...you know!

So things haven't really changed...i realied today i'm meant to pick up my next set of pills...now ive realised how little i've taken this month...i still have a whole packet left! But i have to pick up my next set otherwise the doctors are going to get suspicious...bleh.

So i'm going to have to throw the ones i have left away!

I feel too ill to go do it though :(

I do really need to start taking them regular again...i'm falling apart without the help :/

I'm still not sure about taking the new pills though...i'm too scared...but if i don't i'm just gna be stuck in this same rut forever!...ergh.

 

So me and S are still constantly arguing...

He's a huge stress.

Constantly going on about how shit his life is...

Talking about moving out to his own place coz him and his mum are always at eachothers throats..and i've been witness to that...awkward.

He wants me to move with him still...but i'm just not ready to move so far away from my family and friends and the only way i could come visit would be by train...which of course you all know i'm terrified of.

And he doesn't know how to deal with my moods...if i get really down and depressed...how's he going to cope? I'll be so alone...plus if he gets into one of his "moods" literally where he shuts off for no reason and totally ignores me :S How am i meant to cope with that?

 

Things with mum are stil roughly the same...

She went on about how S still hasn't met the family yet...but to be honest i'm not fussed...yeah it's a little odd...but i don't really have a bond with any of them..on my mums side, they're just relations to me...not family.

They've judged me my whole life, comparing me to my cousins who have done soooo well in life...fuck off? I've had problems of my own. I don't want them judging him...

Plus my grandad has dementure...and its going to be so uncomfortable for me and him because he can be a little unpredictable...and if he suddenly forgets where he is, i don't want him chucking S out of the house because he has suddenly forgot who he is...it wouldn't be right...i'm just trying to think of everyone here, trying to make the best decision.

 

But anyway...life is still the same.

This has turned into a ramble...

I'm surprised you lot read my rubbish :)

But i love you for it <3

 

 

Astra x