I mean i totally give up.
I can't do right for doing wrong today.
Seems like everyone has had a dig at me today, and what did i do??
FUCK ALL.
Everyone thinks they can get away with saying shit about me, bitching about me, having a go at me, over NOTHING.
For example, i put a "funny" status up on fb today, everryone took it the wrong way and assumed because i put it up, me and S had broken up!!
Then started fucking bitching about me to him, then me and him got into an argument about it, now he's sulking like a little child and wont talk to me. Over a fucking status!!
I'm sick and tired of people walking all over me.
Expecting the world.
Well guess what???
I don't have anything to give anymore!
I'm mentally and physically tired.
Losing weight again because my body refuses to keep food down, for over a month now.
Every bite i take i feel as if i'm going to throw up.
I dunno whats wrong with me.
You know i cried for a full hour over everything today, and couldn't stop.
I've just had enough. Of everyone and everything.
I don't want to have to justify every little thing i do.
I'm SICK OF IT.
Everyone expects me to be the strong one, the one who anyone can come to me with their problems and thinks i can solve them, well i can't! I have enough problems of my own, what don't they understand?
My whole body feels like it might implode where i'm so stressed.
I just want to shut myself away from everyone, away from the tension, away from the bitchyness, away from the problems of other people, away from faking smiles, away from just human beings all together.
Why can't for once someone wait hand and foot on me?
Am i not allowed to have one fucking day without someone judging me, causing me to break down like a stupid little girl.
I just want to hide away.
I want some mental peace.
I want to run away from everyone and never come back, start fresh somewhere...you know?
I know what you mean believe me. Landon gets mad at me for just lyrics I copy and post up on facebook. People don't know how to take things the way they're meant to be. Everyone is looking for drama and negativity everywhere now and it's horrible. I know how it feels to be so mentally and physically exhausted that you can't ever eat and when you try you don't even know how you managed to get the food into your mouth let alone chew and swallow. Every day, every thing you have to do feels like a god damn struggle. Peace is something that I have long long long given up on, but I truly hope that one day you finally get your break. You have put up with so much bullshit when all you need is someone to focus on you and help you. I'm sorry. Try and stay strong for those who can't. You are loved by everyone here.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, love.
ReplyDeleteIt's impossible to make a joke in my house without offending someone. And then, I never hear the end of it. Maybe just stop talking to them all, or tell them that you're sick of being jumped on over every little thing? The ignoring thing might work better... Because from past experience, people just get defensive and deny when you confront them about anything.
I can't say that I know exactly what you're going through, but I've been through similar areas in my life. Where i just wanted to disappear and be alone with myself so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone anymore. So I can tell you that people who aren't good for you will somehow just fall out of your life in one way or another, and the people who are good for you stick around through everything. The bitchy people will fade into the background as you meet new, not bitchy people who are healthy to be around. It's not easy right now, I know, but it will get easier if you let it.
We all love you, sweetheart.
XOXO
start fresh somewhere sounds wonderfull,
ReplyDeletebut in the end you can't escape from your behavior.
Just make sure, that you are not surrounded by assholes! :)
<3
Massive hugs <3
ReplyDeletex